Mister Chairman; - er - ah - when
We right-thinking business men
Are treated with much scant - um - er - civility,
I say the time has come
For us to - er - ah - um -
To defend our rights and - er - respectability.

We are right, sir, to defend
Our interests. And the trend
Of present legislation is - fantastic, sir.
That is - er - the only word
To describe it. It's absurd!
And calls for opposition - um - er - drastic, sir!

And - ah - sir. I think I can
Say this meeting to a man
Is distinctly Anti-Sosh and - er - and sensible;
And holds that Labor aims
And Socialistic claims
Are visionary and - um - reprehensible.

We are ready to resist
The - ah - rabid Socialist,
Who's as great an anarchist as any Russian, sir!
And the Labor party's laws
Are tyrannical! (Applause.)
Which - er - brings me to the subject of discussion, sir.
Regarding telephones:
The Labor Party (Groans)
Seems to think it can oppress us with impunity.
But I hold, sir, it is plain
That the benefits we gain
Should be paid for by - that is - the whole community!
As an Anti-Socialist,
Mister Chairman, I insist
(If that gentleman who interjected recently
Will endeavour to restrain
His impatience, I'll explain.
I'd remind him we conduct these meetings decently).

Mister Chairman, to resume.
When I look around this room
On the members of this - er - great society,
And consider we've to pay
For these benefits, I say
It's - er - bordering on - um - on impropriety!
The - er - people, sir, should bear
(What's that? ... I protest, sir! Chair!
This - er - person who seems bent upon confusing me
With his most unseemly din
I don't know how he got in
Cannot shake my argument, sir, by abusing me.)

And I answer him, sir, Bosh!
Bosh! How dare he call me Sosh!
Our position is invinc - er - ah - invincible!
His remarks, sir, I resent,
And I hold my argument
Is a basic principle of - um - of principle!

As my worthy friend, Bruce Smith
(Bosh sir! ... Petriana myth! ...
Six hitters! ... Marriage tie! ... er - Confiscation, sir!
Um - er - break up fam'ly ties! ...
Lies, sir! Socialistic lies!
Alarming capital and immigration, sir!)
Now - (Eh! ... Order! Sir, I claim
Your protection! What's his name?
Is this man a member? Sir, show your authority!
An imposter, I've no doubt.
Ha, I thought so! Put him out!)
Now the motion ... Carried! by a large majority.

More verses by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis